J’ai pas peur

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” Winston Churchill


They say saying goodbye is never easy.  So let’s get straight to the point, in a few weeks I shall be leaving the troubled city of Hull for a new life. There will be people I miss, no doubt about that, and people who will really miss me … sorry 🙁  I shall miss the earthiness of Hull.  In my opinion that is one of the city’s key assets – it has an air of honesty that is admirable and no doubt in stark contrast to the self servicing cut and thrust of the impending Hull (more on that coming up).  I am glad I have a northern soul. Many people have been kind to me here, supportive, and nothing but friendly despite how you internet hack jobs might believe I would be perceived in the real world.  I thank the kindness of strangers for that.

I shall hopefully get time to say au revoir (not goodbye) to many of my lovely friends before I depart. However, in the best traditions of the award acceptance speech I would like to take this opportunity to thank some of the special, special, special people who have helped me make my choice.

“It is will great pride, and humility that I gratefully accept this award of Freedom from the City of Hull.  As I stand here  I am acutely conscious of the effort put in by others that has made all of this possible. Apologies for the formal list, but I would not like to leave anyone out, and if I have, know that you are just as important to me as those I recall.

                    Firstly I would like to thank the hundreds of men who have called me yet never mustered the courage to actually meet.  You are all very special to me. I have enjoyed reading your hundreds of messages on adultwork and other sites, and it has given me great comfort knowing I am not you.  For those more challenged with the English language, I would also like to thank you for the thousands of text messages I have received in the same vein, from the poetic “Wat u do”, to the avant garde “Available?”.  It has been a truly wondrous experience listening to your answer phones when I have responded in person to your missives.

                    Huge thanks must go to those who responded to my advertisements in the local press.  It has given me much joy listening to your crazy tales of how big your penis is, how you wish me to be a surprise for your wife at her 40th, or if I could do an outcall at 5am. I must offer my apologies to those who responded with stark indignation that my prices could start from a staggering £50.  It was never my intention to upset you or the status quo in Hull by pronouncing I could possibly be worth such extreme tariffs.  I hope that the crack addict you wish to trap and support with your £20 will be able to get their next hit in return for your sexual kicks. Not wishing to sound too romantic, but isn’t that a match made in heaven?  I have recently come to realise that my stance was folly –  I admit that supporting those with drug issues, creating the extra police work, giving residents something to watch in the street, less they might not have a current television licence, can be nothing but win win for whole community. My apologies for attempting to set standards or assert my right to earn a living, it was most foolish of me.

                    A special mention must go to those who have booked me and never turned up.  I cannot imagine how frustrating it must have been to book me  and then, within the hour, have your phone battery die. I understand the embarrassment caused, and no wonder I never heard from you again, but honestly I understand technology has its foibles which is why I always try to re-contact you at 2am when you are asleep with your partner, in the hope that the phone is finally on charge again.  Sorry for any inconvenience, how rude of me.  As a side note I am saddened to learn of the ever increasing surge of Alzheimer’s – fancy taking all those months to build up the courage only to forget the very next day that you had even arranged an appointment.  I hope they find a cure for that soon.  

                    A brief thanks to all those who have gone to the effort to buy an additional sim card in order to contact and mislead people like me.  While some around the globe strive to help the poor and needy, fight ignorance and inequality, dedicate their lives to the pursuit of peace and happiness I really do think as a society we are missing a beat if we cannot find a place in a ‘Museum of Humanity’ for that sim card of yours that sits at the back of your draw. It tells us so much about modern life and your place in it.

                    Huge hugs to all those men who desire to be with a T-Girl purely for sexual gratification yet feel utter anguish, bitterness and resentment when required to pay and cannot comprehend the causal relationship between the two.  It’s a wonderful stance that rightly takes its place in Leeds next to the achievements of William Wilberforce.  To all of you, just thank you for being you, and what a shame that history will reveal how misplaced your attitudes have been. Three cheers for the future, Hip Hip to the regret it will bestow on you.” 

So I move on. To London, to somewhere that allows me to live above the poverty line, and achieve my goals.  Current victim of circumstance perhaps, there have been many low points, many tears, many frustrations, afternoons spent curled up in bed hiding from the world some of you presented me, but I will never allow myself to be a victim of life. Never beaten. Never without aspiration nor inspiration. That is the best of the North, due to depart from platform 1.

You might rightly ask just what was it you wanted in your time here Roxie?  I would understand your lack of sympathy, escorts are generally viewed as pariahs by those who have never actually met a really good one. So what was it I desired?  Was it diamond rings, fast cars, a big house, a shoe collection to match Imelda Marcos ? No, actually it wasn’t.  I just wanted that most basic of human needs …. HOPE. That’s it folks, that’s all. The right to earn a living. The right to better myself. The right to be myself.  HOPE.

I shall be in Hull until late September / October. As they say, “time gentlemen please”

Roxie x

I hope you enjoy our song.  Sing along if you can, or at least make the effort to learn the words.  If you have found no humour in my thanks, then here comes the kicker – it’s probably about you 🙂

J’ai pas peur